Let It Rain

by tiqu

Under the pouring autumn rain, sheltered by the dark red umbrella, your eyes gaze upon me heavily. I could feel the weight. I could feel my footsteps slowing down. I could feel myself sinking.

It was such a hard burden to bear. I was soaking wet, and I wasn’t even wondering why you weren’t offering me a share of your umbrella. You held that stare for so long I thought it would kill me finally. The leafless pine and birch trees swayed behind you like a scene in a movie. Your long brown hair flowing softly upon your back. Everything would have been beautiful on canvas if not for that stare.

“What do you want?” you asked coldly. So cold I felt a shiver run up my spine. How am I supposed to answer that question?

“Can I have a minute?”

“A minute it is.”

“I, uh…”

I became speechless. I thought I had planned everything perfectly. I wanted to make sure this time, unlike all the other times I’ve tried, you would at least give me a chance. However, as if I should have anticipated this, your coldness never failed to throw me up against the wall. This is how I end up every time. A loser.

“Forty seconds left.” You said carelessly. I felt like turning around and running away.

“Thirty seconds.”

Words. Where are the words?!

“No, wait. I…I…”

“Fifteen seconds.”

“May, please listen to me.”

“Times up.”

And you started to walk away, just like that.

If the autumn rain was cold, I thought you were even colder. I never knew a heart could be so thick, so secluded.

“May, I’m sorry!”

Your steps diminished to a halt. For a second there I thought I saw a ray of light. A little hopeless wish that maybe you would suddenly turn around and run into my arms. But a hopeless wish remains a hopeless wish. You stood there frozen, not turning around, not even a single word coming out of your mouth. Not even a noticeable fidget. The rain continued to pour heavily all over me. Even Mother Nature seemed to hate me.

“May, I know I’ve done so many wrong things. I know you might never be able to forgive me. But everybody makes mistakes. I regret all of the things I did to you. I’m sorry.”

For a long moment you stood there, as if testing my patience. I wasn’t sure whether I should wait or should I leave. I wanted you to say something, and if given the choice I didn’t want to leave. It was freezing cold but I didn’t want to leave.

“What difference does it make now?” you said finally. At that moment my chest throbbed mightily in a weird way, I thought I was having some kind of heart attack or something. But it wasn’t any physical pain, I was sure of that. Because I felt emotionally sore. My heart was practically crushed into pieces by your heartless words.

“I’m sorry May.” Was all that I could muster up to say. I’ve said it a thousand times I think, but then it was all I could say. I really meant it. I am sorry.

“I am sorry too, Caleb. But it’s too late.”

“Just one more chance?”

“No.”

I wanted to break down and cry like a baby, but it would kill my ego to do that. Instead, I ran towards you and tucked my arms around you from the back, just like in those romantic movies we used to watch.

“I love you…” I nearly whispered into your ears. You didn’t budge. Instead, your body stiffened under my embrace.

“I don’t, Caleb. Not anymore.”

Those ten seconds felt like the most precious moments in my life, but it had to die so quickly. You pulled away and finally turned to me. I finally saw those cold, hateful eyes again, but they were filled with shiny tears. Even among all the rain, your tears shone out so much. Like pearls. Like valuable, sparkly pearls.

“May?”

“Caleb, stop all this. I’m tired. I’ve had enough.” You began.

“I was happy, but you took it all away. I thought I did it all for you, for us, but in the end I was the one who cried myself to sleep at night. Where were you then?”

Those shiny pearls began to fall. Slowly.

“I wasted my tears all for the sake of hoping you would finally realize your mistakes and magically return to me. What did you do then, Caleb? You went out looking for someone who could better entertain you, didn’t you? Someone who was smart enough not to waste their time waiting for you.” you laughed dryly. “How foolish I was!”

“But, oh! I still waited. I thought I lived in a fairy tale. I thought this was all a sacrifice, you see. That maybe in the end I would finally have my happy ending. All this pain I had to endure, all the tears, I thought they were the price I had to pay to earn your love. What a stupid girl I used to be.” You sneered. Your gaze grew even colder as you said this, and I felt my throat run dry.

“You know, Caleb, I’ve learnt my lesson. All those nights you left me fretting, I spent those nights growing up. I’m not the naïve little girl you used to play with, Caleb. I’m a grown up woman now. I don’t cry over petty things anymore. I don’t melt over your meaningless woos, let alone your sorry. You should grow up too.”

“But I have, May! I realize now, and I am honestly sorry. What should I do to earn your forgiveness?”

Your cold eyes stared into mine. Somehow, your tears have not subsided. For the deadly coldness it emanates, the tears seem to show a pain residing deep inside the burrows of your heart.

“Leave me alone.”

Darkness.

“Leave me alone, and never come back. Ever.”

And you walked away.

And I felt the whole world raining down on me. If this is the price I have to pay for all those tears you wasted, all those sleepless nights and all the pain you felt, I think I fairly deserve this. And for this, I think you have also earned the happiness you badly seek for. Your sacrifice has been justified. And I definitely deserve all this.

Let it rain. Let it wash away the pain.

-fin-